Life after Death(or so it seemED)

After I had gotten over this boy, I still had my life, still had my friends, still had my family, still had the ability to love, still had all of my emotions, but I didnt feel like life was right anymore. To be honest, it felt like I was just dead. Now yes, I was over him, but there will always be that hole in your heart that your first love cut out. I was just, well, there. I woke up every morning having nothing to look forward to when I got home from school such as a phone call from a certain someone. Then I would go to school, do everything I had to there, pretend I was happy, then come home. Normally I was so exhausted from school and barely any rest from the night before that i would sleep when I got home. But there was the occasional time that I had something to do. I do admit that I had a wonderful and loving friend who i guess you could say, looked after me. She was amazing. I was so lucky to have her. As a matter of fact, we're still best friends today. I am very thankful. She always talked me down when I started to get emotional and always let me cry on her shoulder if I needed it. I was just depressed that I had lost the first person I had ever loved. I mean we are just kids, I completely understand that now and I now know that I shouldn't have expected it to last forever. Honestly, I knew it had to end sometime, it was a long distance relationship and I knew it wouldn't work. I just wanted it to so badly that I shoved that thought way back in my mind and almost forgot about it. But that was impossible with him. I wish now that he would have just been honest with me in the beginning and told me how it was because I was too love struck to come to terms with reality.So at school I would just smile and pretend that life was great. My best friend was always there for me though and now that I think back, I am pretty sure that she is what kept me going everyday. Knowing that she was there for me and that she cared about me. I can say that i actually felt loved. As I said before, she was amazing. I just lived day by day and I can't say that I wasn't somewhat happy because then I'd be lying. I had my lovely family and all of my friends. The thing I had lost may have meant the world to me, but you get over things. You move on. After I realized that I had to move on(which my friend had been telling me the whole time and I just didn't want to do it) I started to enjoy life again. I realized that he had moved on and gotten over me a long time ago and I had just recently gotten over him. I had to start living life to the fullest again. I just had to. No matter what it took, I was determined to enjoy life again. So I started flirting again :). There was a certain person at my school who had caught my eye from the first day of school, but I thought we would just be friends and nothing more. So we just talked as friends and I flirted with other guys. To tell you the truth, I had a damn good time doing it, too.I was happy that other guys were actually interested in me. I am one of those people who have never had a high self esteem and I have always looked at myself as ugly. So I had tons of fun after I realized that some guys did like me. Hah, that probably sounds really stupid but I'm being completely honest and serious. Well I never actually thought I was ugly, just not as beautiful as some other girls. I never considered myself beautiful at all. To be honest, I still dont consider myself anywhere near beautiful. But I don't think I am ugly. My best friend told me that her cousin liked me. So I got a little excited :). He called me one day and we started "talking". I kind of liked him too. But that plane crashed. That would have been a long distance relationship also and I just didn't want another one of those. So, I went back to flirting with guys at my school. Does it seem like I'm a big flirt? I'm not. I just decided that I wanted to be more outgoing after Christmas break. So I was. I completely changed. I wasn't such a pushover anymore. My out look on life changed drastically.